I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
