Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
