Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
