I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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