My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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