I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
