It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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