i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
