come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
