I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
