Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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