Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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