Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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