Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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