Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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