Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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