They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
