Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
