I just saw a hot homeless man
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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