I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
