I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
