the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vagina is officially offended.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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