you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
