This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
