she kept yelling 'call me bella'
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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