I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
