We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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