mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish I only lived at night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
