She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Too much gin, very little bucket
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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