i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
