Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
