the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
