am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
