Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
