i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
