Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
