i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
