I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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