I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
