you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
