Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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