Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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