just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How does it feel to date your dad?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
