I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
