One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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