im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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