You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
