She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
