Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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