Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
