Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
