Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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