i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
