and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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